Friday, April 06, 2007

Spring Has Sprung (aka Double Wide Returns!)

To hell with Groundhog's Day or the equinox as a a gauge for determining when spring starts. I can tell you with absolute certainty that it's not springtime till Double Wide emerges from his trailer with a basement to skip rope on the front lawn in his underwear (maybe he was wearing shorts, but, man, if so, very tight shorts). There'd been hints in the past weeks as he stood in his doorway in his underwear, but it's not truly spring till the skipping rope accompanies him. Rejoice! It means another seven months of Double Widery!

Not a whole lot to update in terms of Double Wide buffoonery over the winter. Plenty of "Kitty!" calls—including the past couple days; has Kitty finally had enough and decided to search for a responsible owner?—but the biggest news was the retirement of the Double Widemobile. There were a few too many incidences, I suppose, of the DWM not making it up the hill in winter, so he's got himself a new $200 special (perhaps photos in a later post). It doesn't have the same character as the original, but I'm guessing he hasn't had enough time to drive the shit out of it for it to become a true heir.

Questions for the upcoming Double Wide season: Will DW graduate this year, or is he working on the six year plan? If he graduates, will he stay in Maison Double Wide? Will he challenge for the title in the White Trash Boxing Association? Will he continue to shave his head on the front lawn, and will the folks at Miracle Gro hire him as a consultant?

Stay tuned, Double Widiacs …

Late breaking edit! For you ladies who like your men on the white trashy side, here's one to print out and put in a frame. Yowza yowza yowza!


At 2:03 PM, Anonymous Pinky Fingers said...

I'm glad to know that I can rely upon Double Wide as an accurate gauge for spring. I used to go by how fast the bodies in my basement started to stink. This way's better! Thanks Cletus.

At 2:04 PM, Anonymous Kewl Dood said...

GR8 riting!

U rok, Cletus.

At 5:18 PM, Blogger Cletus Hookworm said...

Stay away from rooftops, Pinky—you never know when a private dick is on your trail.


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