Saturday, August 19, 2006

Kitty!, the Dirty Girl, and the Dogs With No Names

Let's talk about the other four-legged residents of Chez Double Wide …

Apart from the black lab, for the past couple years, there has been a black cat named … prepare yourself for a dose of insight and wit … Kitty! And I believe it is spelled with an exclamation mark. I say this because pretty much every morning, Double Wide will open his door and yell out in that hoarse, tobacco-coated duck call that is his voice, "Kitty! Kitt-ay!" Now, let's pause for a second and think about that name. Kitty. Kitty the cat. That's the kind of name that a five-year-old gives to a cat because five-year-olds generally lack the vocabulary to come up with something less obvious and perhaps more reflective of the cat's qualities. Birdie the bird. Doggy the dog. Piggy the pig. Kitty the cat. But this isn't a five-year-old. This is a grown adult who is going to a post-secondary institution and when it came time to naming his cat, the best his brain could muster was … Kitty. Sorry, Kitty! Well done. Well done, indeed. "Kitty!"

So, earlier this summer, we had a problem with a cat coming into our yard to hunt birds (we've got a lot of trees and, hence, a lot of birds). Actually we have a lot of cats in our neighbourhood who come to hang out (and occasionally tease our own indoor cats), but this one was rather persistent and fairly resistant to being shooed away. So eventually we called Animal Control because it had elevated itself, in our eyes, to nuisance. They came and caged it up.

Now, at the time, I really didn't know that this cat was, you guessed it, Kitty! From across the street, Kitty! looked rather small, whereas this one was quite a bit bigger. However, for the next several days, Double Wide would open the door every hour or so and yell, "Kitty! Kitt-ay!" a couple times, then wander back inside. My wife and I quickly figured that, in fact, our nuisance cat was his Kitty! What I found interesting is that, for a guy well acquainted with the good folks at Animal Control, it didn't dawn on him to contact them to see if a cat matching his own had been picked up. Nope. Just keep yelling, "Kitty!" and maybe Jesus will return the cat. However, a neighbour went over there, I believe, and told him to call Animal Control (I say this because after talking with her, he drove off and returned with his cat).

Like with the various times he was cited for letting his dog run loose, he made a few half-assed efforts to tie up the cat. However, as with the dog, he returned to his stupid and lazy ways and Kitty! runs loose. Tho it does avoid our yard now. Fair enough.


There have also been three guest dogs over the years. One was a rottweiler owned by some friend who stayed for a month or two a few summers ago. What's better than one dog allowed to run loose? Two dogs allowed to run loose! And, to no one's surprise, the dogs went after people who came to close to the yard. One incident occurred when the friend of one of my neighbour's boys was charged. Double Wide assured them not to worry about the rottweiler but added—so comfortingly—"She's not the dog you have to worry about." Yeah! Thanks for contributing to the neighbourhood.

Last summer, Double Wide got another temporary roommate, a rather dirty looking girl with a Jack Russell and a hound. I don't say dirty in a sexy and seductive sense. I mean needing a bath. Her clothes often looked like they'd never been washed. She looked like she had stink lines around her. Anyway, these dogs were leashed when she could round them up. However, whenever the door was opened—which, given the Open Door Policy, was whenever "humans" were home—they'd take off down the street, charging thru people's yards. What is of note here is that experience, one would think, would teach that if you open the door, the dogs take off. And yet this happened every time. Neither Dirty Girl nor Double Wide learned to gradually open the door and slide in to keep the dogs inside. Nor did they immediately go after the dogs or call for them to return. They'd just watch for thirty seconds or so, perhaps to let the dogs get a good lead in the eventual chase. Then they'd saunter down the block to relocate the dogs. Not that calling for them would do any good. Another neighbour said that he spoke to DG and DW about her two dogs, asking what their (the dogs) names were, so that he could call for them when they get loose. She replied that they don't have names because they're too stupid to learn. Yes. It's the dogs that are too stupid in this case. And further insight as to why the dogs are seemingly uncontrollable.

Classic Black Lab: Taking a Dump On a Neighbour's Lawn

The Dirty Girl becomes curious as to where the lab has gone

By the end of the summer, Dirty Girl and the Dirty Dogs moved into the house's basement suite. They broke free several more times and eventually Animal Control came around to corral them. After which they were never seen again. I'm guessing that Dirty Girl moved as I haven't seen her or her stink lines since either.

Let loose the hound …

Um … keeping letting loose the hound.

What other zoological adventures will Casa de Double Wide unleash? Maybe he'll get himself a falcon to patrol the neighbourhood. How about a cow to munch on the block's lawns? Whatever he does, we all know that he'll make a minimal effort to be responsible for its behaviour.

Kitty! Kitt-ay!


At 6:02 PM, Blogger Mr. Pinsky said...

Mr. Hookworm,
Do you have any other photos of this aptly-named 'Dirty Girl'? I think she might be a potential winner for my blog.

Mr. Pinsky

At 8:10 AM, Blogger Cletus Hookworm said...

Mr. Pinsky:


You're crazy if you think Jane Seymour is hot …


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