What's Going On in the Flower Bed?

So, it's around 8.30 am, Saturday morning. No surprise that the door to Double Wide's house is open—it's always open, to let in/out air and animals, I presume, as well as to simulate a barn-like atmosphere—and, again no surprise, the crap music is cranked up (the usual: cheesy metal or techno, but the other day he had Cyndi Lauper blasting, so he is full of some surprises). Anyway, I look over my shoulder and see Double Wide standing in his flower bed (correction: weed bed) and see … well, let's let the photos speak.



Hmm, is Double Wide having a morning piss? Note the ubiquitous ass-crack.



Uh oh, maybe he's about to throw up.



Yep, sure looks like he's throwing up.



Waitaminnit! He's not throwing up! He's shaving his head!





Yes, he's shaving his head (and, later, his chest) out on the front lawn. I can only speculate why he isn't doing this inside. No broom to sweep up the hair? He's heard that hair is good fertilizer for the weeds? He's so drunk he thinks he's inside? Or, perhaps, like everything else about him, it's just that he likes to conduct his business in his front yard for everyone to see.

And, yes, ladies: he's still single.